Can you actually get over someone you love? Days later, months later, or even years later, hearing their name or when a random memory pops up in your head and spiraling and losing yourself in their thoughts. If you have faced that, then this article is for you.
So in this article, I will be discussing about How can you get over someone you truly loved. So if you’re new here, I’m Akash, and this is the platform where I share guidance about everything from healing your traumas, building self-love, self-esteem, and confidence, and as a result of which building your best life. So let’s start without any further delays.
The Pain of Heartbreak
After being in a relationship, when you go through a heartbreak, or even if you are in a situationship and you end up going through a heartbreak, when you come out of it, the pain is so monopolizing that it consumes your entire being. The pain of going through heartbreak is so paralyzing when you think of losing something that is so dear to you, that is so important to you.
Sometimes it even feels like an unjust betrayal where the person you were in a relationship with or the person you were associated with never cared for your feelings and never showed up for you the way you showed up for them. You tell yourself that you are simply the victim of loving too much, and no matter how much it protects your ego, that is simply not the truth.
Maybe this person in front of you cared for you and showed up in the ways that they could have possibly known to show up, but maybe that wasn’t enough for you. Maybe you both are amazing human beings, but maybe you two together in a relationship weren’t compatible or were not the best pairing of all times. At the end of the day, probably this person did care for you and probably did not intend on hurting you.
Compatibility and Psychological Wounds
Maybe you attracted each other because of the psychological wounding that you have inside you, and maybe this relationship was not meant to work after all. But sometimes, when going through a heartbreak, it is easier to blame and villainize them. On the other hand, you could even be going through a deep sense of loss that this person was probably the best thing that happened to you and you might never find someone as good as them.
When navigating through this pain, you also end up forgetting about the newfound peace that you have in your life by not being in that relationship. I want you to take a moment here and reflect back on your relationship and think of all the times when you felt pain, when you felt that this person was hurting you and could not show up for you the way you wanted them to.
Accepting That the Relationship May Not Have Been Meant to Be
Maybe, truth be told, from the very beginning you both came into each other’s lives to teach each other lessons. Maybe you might end up together, who knows, but that is a question for later and not something you should be worried about right now. Right now, your focus needs to be on taking care of yourself and pouring all that love into yourself that this other person probably did not or failed to do.
Maybe there was a part of you that knew all along that this relationship wasn’t right for you, but you still tried to make it work. You went out of your way to keep this person in your life because you saw the beauty and the light in them and you wanted so badly to be loved as well. It is also possible that you were trying to fill a void inside you and that an abandonment wound inside you got triggered when this person left.
Grieving the Loss
You should grieve this loss that you have faced in your life, but not for so long that you keep grieving for this person as if they were “the one.” Truth be told, if they were the one for you, you would not have been in this position right now. If it was meant to be, it would have happened.
Sometimes you may feel that life cannot go on without them, but remember that you are not the only person who has gone through a heartbreak. Many people, including myself, have gone through it and have emerged stronger and happier.
My Personal Experience
My heartbreak was so devastating that I cried myself to sleep for many days and nights. I could not comprehend going a day without this person. But instead of focusing on what could have happened, I decided to focus on myself. I chose myself and gave myself the love that I truly desired.
Truth be told, it is not just time that heals the pain. If you do not work on this pain and understand what caused you to be in this situation, you might end up repeating the same patterns in future relationships.
Idealization and Romanticizing the Past
Sometimes, as time passes, we forget the bad things and romanticize the good memories. We create a story in our heads that the relationship was the best thing that ever happened to us. This is a reflection of how much importance you gave this person in your life.
You cannot put someone on a pedestal. The only person you should be putting on a pedestal is yourself. Idealizing someone to the extent that your life has no meaning without them is unhealthy and indicates that you loved them more than you loved yourself.
Channeling Pain Into Growth
As excruciating as this pain is, it can be channeled in a healthy way. When I went through my heartbreak, after the first three weeks of grieving, I made a conscious decision to focus on building my life and working on meaningful projects. Looking back, that heartbreak was one of the best things that happened to me because it opened up new avenues in my professional life.
Letting Go of the Story
You need to start connecting to the reality of what the situation was instead of the story you have built in your head. The reality is that it did not work out. You must divorce yourself from the idea of the relationship and look at it from a fresh perspective, learning the lessons so that you do not repeat the same patterns.
True healing begins when you are willing to let go of the story and accept things as they unfolded.
Understanding What You Are Truly Grieving
Ask yourself: What exactly are you grieving? Are you grieving the loss of the person, or the loss of the future you imagined with them? Often, it is the void created by their absence and the feeling of companionship that causes the deepest pain.
No one is coming into your life to complete you. In a healthy relationship, two whole individuals come together to complement each other, not to complete each other.
Processing the Pain
Do not avoid or suppress the pain. If you do not process it, it will resurface in future relationships. Instead, sit with your emotions. Be present with yourself. Love yourself through this process.
Give yourself a hug even if you are crying and remind yourself that you are there for yourself. When you face the storm, the emotions gradually lose their power over you.
Setting a Healing Timeline
I gave myself an ultimatum: one month to fully process the grief and then consciously focus on rebuilding my self-love, self-esteem, and confidence. This intentional approach helped me integrate the lessons and emerge as a better person.
Reestablishing a Relationship With Yourself
Heartbreak often retriggers abandonment wounds from childhood. This is a perfect opportunity to establish a deeper relationship with yourself and practice self-compassion instead of self-shame.
When you come out of this phase after processing it in a healthy way, you will be transformed. Your sense of self-love, self-esteem, and confidence will reach a completely new level.
Being Open to Love Again
Once you process the pain and integrate the lessons, you may evolve to a point where you no longer wish to return to that person. Instead, you will be ready to attract a healthier and more aligned relationship into your life.
There is no shortage of good people in the world. You simply need to open your mind to the possibility of attracting someone who is right for you.
Acceptance and Gratitude
The biggest lesson I learned during my heartbreak was realizing that nothing is forever and that is okay. I am still grateful for what this person taught me, for the love I experienced, and for the lessons I learned.
Coming into acceptance with the fact that it is okay to let them go is the moment when you truly move on from the relationship. When you reach this place of acceptance, healing naturally follows.
I hope this article was helpful, if anything is still unclear, you may ask them in the comment section. If you have any other situation and you want us to write on that, you may also request them. So that’s all for today’s article, thank you so much guys for reading and I’ll see you in the next article soon. Thank you!