Let me answer about few comments that actually came up in the last article of mine where I discussed about 7 Signs to know whether a woman is emotionally intelligent or not, and a lot of the comments were like she doesn’t exist, such a woman is very hard to find, and people have not come across a woman who is like this. And this is something that I want to address in today’s article.
So, if you’re new here, I’m Akash and I’m a men’s relationship coach and I help men heal their traumas, attachment issues, and wounded masculinity in order for them to pursue meaningful connection with women. Also, if you are someone who is struggling with anxious or avoidant attachment, or if you have any childhood traumas or abandonment issues that you want to work through, you can reach out to me through Email to book a consultation with me. Email will be provided in the Contact us page.
Understanding the Reality of Relationships
When I was reading the comments, I’m like, okay, I get it that you guys have been hurt. I get it that you guys have gotten into unhealthy relationships in the past. But one thing I want you all to understand is an unhealthy relationship or a bad relationship or any relationship that ends up being a failure is often co-created by two people.
There might be either one person in it who probably overgave and one person who was emotionally avoidant, or another person who did not honor their own boundaries, and maybe someone even took the other person for granted, or maybe there was some form of betrayal that happened in the relationship. And most of the cases, when I talk to people about what happened early on in the relationship, a lot of the times you guys have yourselves missed the red flags in the person in front of you, which led to your own heartbreak.
And this is not to point the finger at anyone else or blame anyone else, because the whole thing is there are good women out there and there are also women who aren’t good for you out there. But the selection process is something that you do for yourself. So the decision is ultimately in your hand as to how do you want your partner to show up in your life, what kind of qualities do you desire in her, and how you going to actually select someone like that.
Becoming the Right Version of Yourself
What if I told you it’s not that such emotionally intelligent women do not exist, but you actually haven’t become the version of yourself who can select such a woman, who can identify these things in a woman and even attract someone like this. And the first thing I want to address here is we attract a relationship or a woman into our life based on our previous wounds or based on our psychological wounds.
The fact that you guys even got together is a reflection that both of you had some or the other form of psychological wounds which complemented each other. Else think about it this way. If that person in front of you was so bad for you, you would have had the emotional intelligence to even identify that she has a lot of red flags and detect these signs early on and leave that relationship.
But probably most of you guys ignored these signs, stayed in the relationship for a very long time, overgave with the expectation and hopes that the person in front of you would change. But often times people do not change unless they do some deep inner work or probably they work with a therapist or even a coach to actually identify their patterns and break their patterns.
Childhood Patterns and Attraction
If you had unhappy childhood growing up, if you had critical parents or if you probably are an empath, maybe you would be drawn to people who bring that kind of chaos into your life, who are not emotionally regulated, because that chaos is something that you have been familiar with since your childhood.
Maybe you never got that kind of love that was safe for you. Maybe you always had to perform for love as a child or you had to earn someone else’s love as a child, because of which you feel that that’s normal in a relationship until it gets to a point where it hurts you completely or maybe even leads to a heartbreak. And even the chaotic, emotionally dis regulated, hot and cold, emotionally unavailable women are people who have their own traumas within them. And you got attracted to them in the very first place because maybe you lack a strong sense of self-worth, boundaries, maybe have people-pleasing habits, or maybe you are just used to the chaos.
And because of which, you are not able to remove yourself from the relationship or the connection early on. An emotionally intelligent woman would actually feel very boring to a disregulated man, not because she is boring, but because your nervous system is so tuned to actually surviving in a form of dangerous environment with someone else.
Your Beliefs Shape Your Reality
The second thing I want to actually address is that you cannot receive something that you do not believe exists in the very first place.
Our subconscious mind is so powerful and it believes everything that we feed it. So if your subconscious thought process is to think like women like this, women who are emotionally intelligent do not exist, you are never going to be able to attract or even come across or even notice a woman who has these kind of good qualities in her. Now this is where our brain’s capability called as the reticular activating system also kicks in. For example, let’s say the whole day today you’re thinking of a red car. Tomorrow, when you go out on the road, suddenly you’re noticing so many red cars around you.
And this is not because suddenly there’s a surge of red cars in the traffic, but because you have kind of put a pre-filter in your mind to actually notice and observe the cars which are red in color. The same things happen when it comes to your belief systems. So if you have a belief system which says that there are no emotionally intelligent women out there, you are naturally training your subconscious mind and your brain to get attracted to women who are not emotionally intelligent at all.
Emotional Intelligence Attracts Its Equal
The third thing I want to talk about is emotional intelligence actually recognizes its equal. And even a woman who has done the self-work, even a woman who has done the inner work to resolve her patterns or her traumas, she is not going to get attracted to someone, a man specifically, who is stuck in a victim mindset, who is stuck in that loop of blaming the opposite gender.
She might notice you, but she will not engage with you until you show her a sense of emotional safety. A woman can only meet you as deep as you have met yourself. Most of the times, men are actually cut off from their emotions. There are so many emotional blocks within them where they do not know themselves like what they are feeling, what they are facing within them.
Healing and Taking Responsibility
I’m saying all these things to empower you because maybe your trauma or your underlying patterns actually caused you to pick someone who is not healthy for you. But that doesn’t mean that this is the ultimate truth. When you start doing the inner work, when you start working on your traumas, your attachment wounds, you actually go into a process of falling in love with yourself.
And when someone shows up in your life who is not contributing to the life that you are building for yourself, you will have the courage to remove that person from your life. You will also learn to regulate your own nervous system and to actually build that sense of security within yourself. Make yourself believe that love doesn’t have to be earned. Love is not something that you earn through performance. And you can even start rewiring your subconscious mind to get rid of the outdated belief systems that you have because of your past.
Becoming Authentic
When you do healing work, your energetic signature basically changes. You become more authentic. Authenticity is the highest vibration there is. Being an authentic person is not being scared to actually voice up his needs, put healthy boundaries for himself, not being scared to actually lose someone from your life.
And not being in the cycle of actually clinging on to someone or hoping that woman stays in your life.
My Final Message to All CommentsÂ
So to all the men who have actually commented that such women do not exist, this is an invitation for you to actually look back within yourself and try to work on yourself so that you can become a match for someone who can attract such a woman into your life.
Because it’s not that there’s a lack of such women, because I myself am surrounded with such people. I have met a lot of women who are very emotionally intelligent. So heal the story, rewrite the filter, upgrade the man so that you can open yourself the possibility of actually attracting someone like that into your life. Because life doesn’t have to be so hard, and you don’t have to make it so hard even for yourself too.
So, I hope this article was helpful. I hope everyone must be satisfied with the answers I gave through to all people who were saying, these type of women never exist. Instead of answering everyone, I thought to answer everyone through this article. And thank you so much for asking your doubts, I will try to answer in this way if comments are more. So thank you so much for reading this article as well. That’s all for today article and I’ll see you guys in the next article soon. Thank you!