Welcome back my beautiful visitors. We are back with another article. If you’re new here, I am Akash, your favorite coach, and this is the platform where we talk about everything from healing your traumas, developing self-love, self-esteem, confidence, and as a result of which building your best life.
Confidence It’s that one thing that we need in every single area of our life, be it relationships, be it friendships, be it work, or anything else that you can possibly even think about. And in our today’s article, I will discuss about how can you build Godlike confidence.
My Personal Experience with Confidence
I think confidence is that one thing in my life that I’ve never generally lagged. The only time where I actually had very low confidence was when I was very depressed during my high school phase. And during this phase, I was actually going through a very shitty situation even in my personal life due to all my mental health issues, which is why my confidence kind of plummeted.
Over the past 5–6 years, I have gained my confidence back so much that sometimes people can even feel that I’m a little bit overconfident. But it is what it is, like people’s opinions are none of my concern. But I want to make sure by the end of this video you have all that knowledge that you probably need when it comes to you building yourself confidence and not letting anyone else put you down.
The Question That Changed Everything
The first question that I actually asked myself when I was going through that very dark phase of my life is why would someone want to be with me? Would I want to be with myself given the person that I am?
And honestly, for me, the answer was actually no. I didn’t even like myself during that phase. And if I don’t like myself, how can I actually expect someone else to like me? And just recognizing that I don’t like myself was one of the biggest step that I took, and that was like the beginning of me building my confidence back all over again.
So ask yourself, would you want to date someone who’s exactly like you? Would you want to be friends with someone who is exactly like you? And if your answer to that is no, then you probably have a lot of things within yourself that you need to work on.
Knowing Yourself and Building Confidence
The more you work on yourself, the more your confidence keeps increasing. The more you know who you are, the more you know your likes, your dislikes, your boundaries, your standards, automatically your confidence starts going up.
True confidence comes from knowing who you are at the very core of your existence. And to know yourself, you actually have to sit with yourself. You have to sit with yourself when you’re sad, you have to sit with yourself when you’re anxious, when you’re happy, and you have to go into that sessions of introspection where you’re asking yourself questions to know yourself better.
And a lot of people generally lack that ability to sit in silence without listening to any music or watching any TV shows and just to go within and seek the answers that they truly want. It’s a whole different kind of skill to sit in silence and be with your own self and understand yourself.
If you’re feeling sad, like understanding what is the root cause for this, what triggered you when it comes to you being sad. And if you’re feeling anxious as well, where does this anxiety originate from? The more you keep asking questions to yourself, the more you will get answer to who you are as a person.
Healing and Self-Discovery
My confidence improved so much after I started working on healing my traumas. I worked with a lot of coaches, I worked with a lot of therapist who basically asked me questions, cuz I was not able to ask myself the questions that I needed to. I was only able to take myself so far. I needed external help when it comes to me healing all my traumas and gaining all that confidence back in my life.
But every session I did with a coach or with a therapist, I learned more about myself in those sessions. It’s basically like connecting the dots as to why are you behaving in the way you are behaving and understanding you know where does all these negative stories even originate in your brain.
Somewhere or the other in your childhood you lost faith in your own abilities, you lost faith in your own skills, which usually leads to a drop of confidence. And this could also be because someone else probably gave you a very negative opinion because our human brain tends to give more weight to other people’s negative opinions than their positive opinions. But you need to understand that other people’s opinion is a reflection of them. It probably has nothing to do with you at all.
Understanding Perspectives
Think of two people. One person is wearing a red color sunglasses and other person is wearing black color sunglasses. Both people are going to see their world through different colored lenses and they might not even see the actual color of the nature outside, they might not even see actual color of the environment outside, and they give their opinion on things based on that.
So other people, when they are giving opinion to you, when they’re telling you something, they are viewing your life from the lens of their past experiences and their past lives. When I mean past lives, it’s not like reincarnation stuff that I’m talking about, I mean like their life since they were born.
And for me the step-by-step process was actually identifying that where did I lose that connection to myself. When did I feel that you know I am not worthy of love, I am not worthy of good things happening to me. And I had to really go back into my high school experience where my family situation was not so great and I internalized a lot of beliefs about myself in that time. And I had to revisit that time and I had to unlearn all the things and assumptions that I created in my head about myself.
I had to revisit a lot of memories from my high school phase and from my university phase where I had such less confidence and I used to always keep thinking you know other people do not like me, other people think I’m not cool, other people think I’m not beautiful enough. And I had to revisit that and question myself and ask myself is that the ultimate truth? And when did I learn these assumptions about myself? When did I start believing in these assumptions?
And it’s basically like peeling those layers of onion back and you try to find the answers deep within yourself. And the more you do this introspection work, the more you’ll understand that all that assumptions and all that ideas that you have about yourself are probably not even true.
Maybe it’s someone else’s opinion of you that you probably internalized and made it your own assumption. It’s basically like crossing all the hurdles. The more hurdles you cross, the more you get to know yourself at such a deep level, the more confident you become because you are getting to know the essence of who you are.
Lessons and Growth
When you go through any difficult life experiences, in that moment it might be the most shittiest experience that you have probably ever gone through, but once you come out of it, you can learn so much even from that experience.
There is always lessons. You never lose in life. Either you win or it’s always a lesson. But when you learn all those lessons, you have to make sure that you’re drilling those lessons inside your brain so that you don’t forget and repeat those same mistakes again the next time.
Become aware of your strengths and become aware even of your weaknesses as well. Now in my case my strength was communication. I was really hardworking, I was very focused, and I was ambitious. Now that part was already taken care of cuz that was just the kind of person I was.
But I had a lot of weaknesses as well, which was having people pleasing habits. I used to be really insecure about the way I looked, I used to be really insecure about the way I dressed up. There were times in my life I even had like body image issues as well.
Another weakness I had was I always used to end up dating the worst men out there because I had no idea or I had no example of how a healthy love should look like, how healthy relationship should look like.
So in that area I had to make a lot of mistakes and then I learned my lessons, and here I am today giving you all lessons about relationships. But would I go back and change anything that happened? Absolutely not, because that has made me the person I am today.
Self-Talk and Discipline
Also developing confidence requires a lot of discipline as well. You have to look at the things that you can control, for example your self-talk. I feel so sad sometimes seeing the way people talk about themselves. If it’s a thing that you would probably not say to your friends or your parents, you should not even be saying that to yourself.
Stop calling yourself ugly. Stop shaming your body. Stop thinking that you are uncool. Stop thinking that you are unworthy. Stop thinking that other people are better than you. Because the more you keep thinking these thoughts, the more you’re going to reinforce these thoughts into your subconscious brain.
So, I hope you liked our today’s article about confidence. Now if you want to get coached by me when it comes to working on your self-love, self-esteem, self-worth, and building confidence, you can contact me through the comment box below or by directly emailing me. If you have any doubts about any topic, you may feel free to ask those questions in the comment section too. So thank you so much guys for reading this article till the end and I’ll see you guys in the next article very soon. Thank you!