Depression, it’s not just sadness. It’s not just feeling down. It’s a silent battle that men are actually facing on a daily basis, and the number of men who are actually affected by it is truly increasing on a day-by-day basis. And most of the time, no one even notices. A man looks like he is actually cracking jokes outwardly. He is paying all the bills. He is doing everything that needs to be done. He is going to work. But internally, there is a silent void that is suffering.
However, a lot of the time, these men are also not able to communicate what they are truly going through to other people because of the fear of being judged, because of the shame of even being vulnerable in front of other people. Because it takes a lot of strength to actually admit that you’re not OK. You are not happy in your life. But somewhere, he feels his normal is actually to pretend as if, you know, everything is OK.
So, if you’re new here, I’m Akash, and I’m a men’s coach, and I help men heal their trauma, attachment issues, and wounded masculinity in order for them to pursue meaningful connection with women. And today, in this article, I am going to explain what exactly depression is, how men are going through it, and what are the ways that you can heal and come out of it. So, without any further delays, let’s get into the article.
What Depression Actually Looks Like?
Now, let me first discuss about what depression actually looks like. Now, depression is not weakness. It’s waking up in the morning with that feeling of heaviness inside you and even that voice in your head which asks you, “What’s the point of life anyway?”
And often times, for a lot of men, depression actually looks like numbness, where you don’t feel the emotional highs and lows of life. You lead your life in a flat line, where nothing truly affects you. Nothing truly makes you sad, as well as nothing truly makes you happy.
So, you have shut down your emotions to such an extent that you are truly numb. But at the same time, you are not happy too. You are not actually experiencing the joy of life because there is a lot of subconscious junk inside you which has made this way of living your default mode.
Why Men Experience Depression Differently?
Now, let’s talk about why men actually go through depression much more differently from women. Now, when a woman is going through depression, she is usually more vocal about her feelings and what she is going through. Not in all cases, but there are still women who are expressive because women kind of release more oxytocin when they are talking about their problems.
But in the case of a man, men are taught from a very young age, do not be vulnerable, do not cry, do not share your emotions. You have to be strong. You have to toughen up. And when you’re consciously hearing these things, it creates a subconscious belief system within you, which makes you think that no one can even receive your emotions. It’s not safe for you to actually show your real version to the outside world.
Hidden Signs of Male Depression
So, what you do is you actually lead your life in a way where, you know, you are not expressive about what you are going through. You’d rather keep it all to yourself, and you’re bottling up your emotions in this whole process. And when you are doing this constantly all the time, it becomes your nervous system’s default way of living. And from this place, you won’t even be able to live your life to the fullest.
So, instead of showing sadness, sometimes a man’s depression also lies and hides behind emotions like irritability, anger as well, where, you know, it’s more safe for them to express their anger rather than sadness. It also looks like a man who is probably drinking and consuming substances just to numb what he is feeling because that’s the only way possible to get relief.
Sometimes, even men who are truly working, let’s say, 70 hours a week or even more time, they are using work as a means of escape so that they don’t have to actually face their feelings and emotions. So, work comes in as a form of distraction so that you don’t have to sit with yourself.
Functional Depression
Now, women are more diagnosed with depression than men. But the problem is how men disguise their depression and how they pretend because they have to be functional, right?
They have to look useful to the outside world. And if they look weak, maybe they would face shame. And this is the belief system that they are carrying within them, which actually stops them from expressing their real self, their authentic self, to other people.
Now, this might also look like a man who is constantly snapping and getting angry at his woman for no apparent reason. Anger feels like the only safe way for emotions to come out.
The Root of Depression
Now, depression is actually caused due to past unresolved things, due to past hurt that you’ve gone through and that you have not processed.
Now, it often goes into you also being in a state of predicting danger in the future, which gives rise to something known as anxiety in your body. So, often times, depression and anxiety kind of go hand in hand, where depression is actually you living in your past and anxiety is you living in your future.
The State of Hopelessness
And depression in men doesn’t look like him actually shedding tears. It’s someone who is leading a life where he is actually never content. He doesn’t even know what happiness truly means. He has not even found joy in simple moments in his life. It also looks like a man who says he is fine, but he has not truly felt fine in many months or even years. It also looks like someone who is isolating himself from his friends, skipping texts, not wanting to talk to people, and would rather fully disconnect from the world.
The Healing Process
So, firstly, acknowledge it. Acknowledge that you are not feeling OK. It takes a lot of strength to even acknowledge that, “I am not doing well. I need help.” And then, an easy way to actually seek help is to go to therapy, get coaching. You can even work with me. Do whatever it takes for you to heal it.
Now, I truly look at depression as a tree. Now, there have been seeds which have been planted at certain stages of your life. It can be in your childhood, your teenage years, where certain things grow in your mind, and that is the source of your depression. For you to get rid of that depression, you have to go to the root of that event. You have to feel those emotions that are stuck within you.
My Personal Experience
When I was healing myself, I spent months crying. I had to sit and listen to every single hurtful memory that I had gone through, one by one. I had to feel the emotions. And every time you shed a tear, you’re actually releasing your trauma.
And alongside this, you also have to start adopting healthy habits in your life because your cortisol level has to go down. You have to actually start increasing the happy hormones in your body.
Now, you can do this by eating clean food. You can do this by working out. You can do this with meditation. Doing things for yourself that actually make you happy.
Final Perspective
Now, I want you to understand that if you’re going through this, you’re not weak. But you just have to be a little bit stronger to actually face all the things that you are holding within you. Because trust me, this pain is not permanent if you decide to empty it out.
If you’re going through this, you’re not weak. But you need to become stronger to face what you are holding inside you. Because this pain is not permanent. If you decide to face it, one day it will go away, and happiness will become your default state.
So, I hope this article was helpful for you, if you want to ask anything about depression, feel free to ask in the comment section, I will try to answer your questions as soon as possible. Also thank you so much for reading this article till the end and I will see you guys in the next upcoming article soon. Thank you!
