This article is for those mens who are basically bending over backwards for any form of female validation from the woman they like. They feel that if they give over, if they constantly show up for her, keep reassembled, the habit that you have is the exact same thing that’s basically pushing her away from you and that makes you less as a man.
And these are the men who basically chase a woman instead of trying to attract her and instead of trying to become the whole version of themselves. And this is not entity’s age well because a lot of factors can actually come into play when you engage in this kind of self-sacrifice behavior, which can stem from your childhood, your past trauma, and how you perceive relationships as a whole.
And the reason you became like this is not your fault, but it’s your responsibility to fix it, or else you will end up being that guy who keeps breaking his heart all over again, who is not even chosen by women and keeps hating on women a lot of the time.
Especially with my own experience, I have seen a lot of men actually hating on women. These are the men who overgave at one point, who overextended themselves for a woman. And if you are someone like that and if you end up showing this kind of pattern, this video is for you. If you’re new here, I am Akash, and I am a men’s relationship coach, and I help men heal their trauma wounds, masculinity, and attachment issues in order for them to be in meaningful relationships with women.
In our today’s article, we are going to understand why constantly seeking validation from women and overextending yourself in relationships actually pushes them away instead of attracting them. You will get to know how people pleasing behavior, low self-worth, and the need for external approval make you lose your self-respect and create unhealthy relationship patterns.
Losing Self-Respect While Seeking Validation
In today’s world, men are trying to be more tuned to their emotions at the cost of their well-being, and they end up putting the woman first. But what they do not realize is they are losing their self-respect in the whole process because unconsciously they are trying to win the approval of a woman.
So if you are someone who finds it very hard to have conversations with a woman, who feels like you have to work so hard to keep the conversation flowing, and who even gets anxious when interacting with a woman, these are some signs that maybe you have some kind of self-concept issues around women.
Self-concept is basically how you see yourself in front of the other gender. What you perceive about yourself is essentially your self-concept.
Stop Seeking External Validation
The first one piece of advice I want to give to all the nice guys out there is stop seeking external validation and start validating yourself. The moment you stop engaging in behavior where you are expecting something in return from the person in front of you is the day you’re going to start validating yourself.
And a lot of the time, these nice guys go into some kind of victim mentality where they say that I keep giving, I keep trying to make things work between us, I’m always there for her, I am always supporting her. But at the end of the day, there is an unconscious motive that you have behind even that behavior of yours, and that is to win her approval.
That is for you to feel validated, that is for you to feel like you are sufficient as a man, and you deserve to be chosen. But if you don’t think you’re worthy of being chosen, unconsciously that is when you start engaging in these kinds of behaviors.
Understanding Your Self-Worth
A man does not need anyone else to validate him. He knows his worth, he knows what he brings to the table. And if you know what you bring to the table, this is where you stop engaging in behavior where you’re trying to actually impress the woman in front of you just so that she chooses you.
So if you are a nice guy, you basically base your entire self-worth on how a woman treats you. If she is nice, it makes you feel more confident, but if she is pulling back and if she is ignoring you, that is when your self-worth and self-esteem actually take a hit.
If you find yourself in positions where you are the only one texting first, you’re pressurizing yourself to keep the conversation going, you feel that there is no equal give and take, this is a sign for you to actually take a step back and actually think and introspect why this is happening to you.
Fear of Rejection and Patterns
Because unconsciously, you are probably even holding on to some kind of fear of abandonment and the fear of rejection that’s causing you to engage in these kinds of behaviors. But relationships do not work that way, especially a healthy relationship.
If you are anxious, you will end up attracting a woman who is emotionally unavailable and who is avoidant. A healthy relationship is based on mutual respect, but there is a balance between giving and receiving between both parties. It can’t be one way because eventually you are going to drain yourself, and you’re going to end up resenting the woman who is in front of you. And then you will destroy the perception of women altogether, saying all women are the same. But actually, you did not respect yourself in that relationship. The reason you’re not valued is because you didn’t know how to value yourself.
Start Valuing Yourself
So the first step is to start valuing yourself. Take a step back and even walk away from a connection that is not serving you. And you need to change your mindset from thinking how do I make her like me to do I like myself, how can I become so confident in myself that I do not care if she accepts me or not.
When you change your mindset and when you embody this kind of confidence, this is when women naturally start getting attracted to you, and this is when you start commanding respect.
Breaking the Nice Guy Pattern
The first thing you do is stop your people-pleasing behavior. People-pleasing habit is something where you find it so hard to say no to someone, with the thought process that if you say no, this person in front of you will get hurt.
Just remember that every time you say no to someone, you are basically saying yes to yourself. You stop abusing yourself when you learn to honor what your inner feelings, to honor your gut feeling about a situation.
Setting Boundaries and Respect
We all have intuition, we all have a great gut feeling. We all know that okay, this woman in front of me and this person in front of me isn’t showing up as the best version of themselves, so why do I need to overextend myself?
But you still continue to engage in these people-pleasing habits because deep down you want validation from outside of you, and you are probably living in the fear of getting rejected. Someone’s reaction towards you and the way they treat you is nothing but a reflection of them. It has nothing to do with your inherent worth.
Final Perspective
When you start practicing self-validation, you yourself will start feeling more confident, more empowered, and this will start reflecting in other people, including the women in your life and the way they respond to you. Because at the end of the day, your outer world is just a reflection of your inner world.
This is why some people effortlessly get respected, they get love, because in a way they respect themselves, and they are confident about who they are. So remember, being a nice guy is not the issue. It’s about being a genuine man who respects himself, who is kind to himself, and who is also kind to other people, and not someone who basically completely dismisses his own needs for someone else.
I hope this article was insightful and helped you understand yourself first. I hope from next time, you know how you have to behave. If you have any questions regarding any point, feel free to ask in the comment section. So thank you so much for reading till here and I will meet you soon in the next upcoming article. Thank you!