So, let’s say that you finally gathered some courage and you asked her out. The girl you had a crush on for a very long time, someone who’s probably in your gym or someone you’ve been texting for a long time. Let’s say that you finally asked her out on a date. And now you must be thinking, “What do I say to her?” You must be spiraling in your brain thinking, “How do I show up for the date? What are the things I’m supposed to do on the date?” And if you find yourself being nervous when it comes to going out on a first date with a woman, then this video is for you.
So, if you are someone who ends up overanalyzing even before you go out on that date, I want you to take a minute, pause for a minute and ground yourself emotionally. Firstly, there are some mindset tips that I’m going to share with you that you need to be keeping in mind before your first date. The first thing I want you to understand is stop trying to be chosen by a woman and be in the position of choosing someone.
And a lot of the times men actually go into the date and show up on the date thinking, would she like me? What are the things I’m supposed to say to impress her? Instead of even thinking, let me go there and see if I actually like her. This is the biggest mindset shift that you can actually make on a first date because you are not going there to prove your worth. You’re actually in the process of discovering someone to see if she is going to be someone who fits into your life and even adds value into your life.
The whole thing is not about auditioning for love, but it’s actually understanding and discovering the compatibility factor between the two of you and even judging and analyzing if there is something you guys can actually share which might lead to a good future together. Anytime you go out on a date, there’s no necessity that it has to become a relationship because firstly you need to understand that person, understand her character, her personality and then make a decision as to if you want to even proceed with this whole thing.
How to Show Up Confidently on Your First Date?
First of all, most of the times you guys actually make the mistake of going by her looks and her features and being like, “Oh my god, I like her so much and I really want her to be my girlfriend.” Relationship is deeper than just superficial factors like looks. So you need to start thinking deeper when you go into those dates. You have to judge things like is she emotionally safe? Is she emotionally intelligent? What kind of person is she deep within? And all of this can come out only if you start asking her the right questions on the first date.
This is your chance to actually identify if she is emotionally available, if she has the bandwidth to actually hold a relationship, if she has worked on herself, if she indulges in self-development, if she works on her mindset, if she is stuck in her past, or if she is actually ready to build something going forward. You have to ask these questions during the date so that you understand and gauge the person in front of you. Start viewing yourself as someone who is choosing the other person to be in his life not from a place of arrogance but from a place of clarity and alignment.
Three Mindset Shifts for Authenticity
The first thing is remember that you are not going on that date to impress or perform. You’re going on the date to actually be a real version of yourself and to connect with the person in front of you. You don’t need to rehearse any lines or you don’t need to keep thinking about what you actually want to ask her. You just need to be present and whenever the conversation is moving, be fluid. Flow with the conversation and actually listen to what she’s talking about.
The second thing you need to remember is that this date is not your final chance at love. It may become a relationship or it might not become a relationship because you guys are not compatible. Go with a sense of curiosity on that date instead of actually trying to push that connection into a relationship because you really like her. Because it’s when you’re stuck in that mindset of actually wanting just anyone in your life, that is when you ignore all the red flags and you end up in a position where you break your own heart because you did not do a good job in the beginning when it comes to vetting her to be in your life.
The third mindset shift that you need to go on a date with is that you are enough with or without her. You don’t need someone else outside of you to validate you. You believe in yourself. If you know your own worth and you are enough completely even by yourself, even if nothing comes out of this date, when you go with this mindset on that date, that is when you show up confidently and more authentically.
Pre-Date Confidence Hacks
Now, the third thing I want to give you guys are some pre-date confidence hacks before the date. These are subtle ways you can prepare yourself mentally and energetically. The first thing is dress with intention and go not to impress someone, but rather wear something that makes you look sharp and allows you to be comfortable in your own skin. Don’t wear something that’s way too casual. Please do not go on a date wearing shorts, but also intend on dressing smart during the date.
The next thing that you can do before you go on the date is try to reset your nervous system. Do not be nervous and actually ground yourself. The best way that you can do this is actually taking deep belly breaths which will actually help you ground in the moment. And you can also affirm certain words to yourself and say things like I’m safe, I’m grounded and I am confident in myself. I don’t need to show or prove my worth to someone else. These words are like thoughts, affirmations are like thoughts in your inner mind which helps you to be grounded. And remember always she is auditioning to be in your movie. It’s not the other way around. And when you go with this mindset, you will naturally feel more confident during the date and you won’t be awkward.
How to Carry Yourself and Ask Questions?
The fourth thing I want to talk about is how can you carry yourself emotionally and what kind of questions you should be asking on a first date. Here is how you can carry yourself with presence during the date. Firstly, speak slowly. Do not speak for the sake of filling the gaps. It’s okay to take some time and let her speak. Allow her to speak during the date. Allow her to reveal herself.
People who are not allowing the woman to actually talk are the ones who are genuinely trying to impress the woman. This is where you cannot stop talking about yourself. Be grounded, be stable and allow her to talk and listen to her. Speak slowly when you are engaging with her. Ask open-ended questions during a date. Do not ask questions which has a yes or no answer, but instead ask questions like how was your childhood? What are some things that you’re working on this year? What are some of the future goals that you have? These are known as open-ended questions where someone cannot give an answer in the form of yes or no.
The next thing is be curious. Don’t try to be clever. Don’t try to just blabber for the sake of it and instead be curious about the person in front of you. This is again something that I said before. Ask her questions to know her better. Instead, you’re not in a position where you’re trying to entertain her or impress her. And I’ll give you some examples of questions that you can actually ask her on the first date to gauge her emotional availability and her emotional intelligence as well.
The first thing you can ask her is what is something that you’re working on lately or is there something that you’re healing from? Let’s be honest, in this day and age every single person has traumas. Everyone has some kind of insecurities, lack of confidence or something that they’re going through. But if a person is actually aware of their problems, if a person is aware of the difficulties they are facing in their life and is actively working on finding a solution to that, this is a very good sign to actually look for in a person that you’re going out on a date with. This also reveals her emotional patterns and shows you if she is someone who can take responsibility of herself or is someone who deflects her things.
The second question you can ask her is what is something that you actually learned about yourself through your past relationships. This also shows if she has learned from the mistakes of her past relationship. Because let’s be honest, if the relationship ended, there are certain things people did wrong in the relationship and they should take accountability to make sure that they are not repeating these mistakes going forward in their future relationship.
This also shows you if she takes responsibility again or if she is putting the blame on her ex. Anyone who talks badly about her ex, that’s kind of a red flag. Unless she has severely been abused by her ex, but someone who keeps saying that her ex did this, her ex did that, that’s not genuinely a very good sign because what’s over is over. There’s no point in holding resentment against what happened in the past. This also shows that she’s probably stuck in the past and she’s also probably stuck in victim mindset.
The third question you can ask is what kind of aspects do you crave in a connection the most? Is it emotional, intellectual, or spiritual? This also shows what she is looking for and if she is even aware of her needs. And to be honest, all these three things are important in a relationship and this also helps you understand what her core needs and desires are and if it actually aligns with you.
The next thing that you can ask her is what are some of her non-negotiables in a relationship. Everyone needs to have a non-negotiable. You also need to have a list of non-negotiables that you are looking for in a woman. There can be non-negotiables, there can be negotiables. These are like things which are deal breakers and things that you can compromise and adjust upon. And you also want to ask the same thing to her to see what her needs are. At the same time, when you’re asking these questions, make sure and notice if she is asking you questions back as well. Is she taking interest in knowing you? Because this is not a one-way street. She also needs to have that emotional depth and the emotional availability to even ask you back these questions as well.
The next thing you can ask her is what certain things from her childhood actually shaped her as a person, as an adult woman. And this shows her depth. This shows what she has been through in her life and what has actually made her the woman that she is right now. The next thing you can ask her which is very important for you to know is how does she take care of her emotional needs and emotional well-being. Does she go to therapy? Does she read mindset books? Not everyone has to go to therapy but is she aware of her emotional patterns and is she actively working on it? Even things like meditation or journaling or taking some time out for her self-development like watching her health and going to the gym.
These are things that are very attractive in a woman and that actually shows you that she is someone who takes care of herself and someone who also values herself. You want to be with a woman who actually values herself and who does not compromise on her needs too because she is putting herself to such a high standard and this is the kind of woman who will inspire you as well to become the best version of yourself. And these questions, these are not tests, these are basically invitations. You’re inviting her to engage in a conversation and you’re inviting her so that you both can know each other and then you can judge does this align with you or not. Does it align with what you are looking forward in your life and always listen to your intuition.
Please whenever she’s answering these questions you will know if this is what you want or this is what you don’t want. Please do not compromise on your intuition because often times you will end up regretting not listening to your gut feeling. And most importantly during these conversations, be yourself. If you don’t agree with something she is saying, don’t be scared to actually contradict her.
Do it nicely. You don’t have to be aggressive when you do it. But do not be scared to speak out your mind to her because a woman actually wants a man who is in his masculine energy, who is grounded, who is comfortable in his own skin, and not someone who is a people pleaser or a yes man.
So keep these things in mind and make sure that you’re going with a mindset that you are choosing someone to be in your movie and not the other way around. I hope this article was helpful. If you have any questions about your relationship, feel free to ask them in the comment section. Thanks for reading this article and I’ll see you guys in the next article soon. Thank you!