Let me tell you something that might hurt you, but it will actually free you. If you are a man who has been able to move on from a woman for many years, five years, seven years, ten years, then just know what you are experiencing is not love. It is not depth. And this is definitely not masculine love.
In fact, what this is, in plain language, is obsession. And worse, it’s romanticized weakness. And movies have made you believe that it is so noble not to move away from one person for many years and, you know, spend your entire life just thinking about her. But what this actually is promoting is self-abnegation. And that is exactly something that we are going to talk about in this one video, where whatever you are justifying under the name of love is just pure self-abandonment, man.
So, if you are new here, I am Akash, and I am a men’s coach, and I help men heal with their traumas, attachment issues, and wounded masculinity in order for them to have meaningful connections with themselves and with women as well. And in our today’s article, I’ll answer why being unable to move on from someone for years is not a sign of deep love, but a sign of emotional dependency and internal instability. I will explain how obsession, romanticized pain, and losing your sense of self can make you believe that you are experiencing something meaningful, when in reality, it is self-abandonment.
I will also explain the deeper psychological patterns behind why some men get stuck on one person for years, how this obsession is rooted in emotional dysregulation and lack of inner stability, and what it actually takes to rebuild your identity. So, without any further ado, let’s get into this video and talk about it.
What Obsession Looks Like in a Man?
So, first, let’s break the Bollywood line itself. The cinemas of love portray the man who lost himself in the name of love. This is where they actually monetize on people’s emotions as well.
So, we see this man protagonist, the main actor in this movie, who basically goes through a heartbreak. And he loses himself, he loses his direction, he loses his purpose, and he completely destroys his entire life behind one woman who actually left him.
And this is the man who can’t move on, no matter what he does. He makes this woman the center of his entire universe. And then the audience clap. They call it true love because they have gone through something similar and they can feel the pain of this man. And then we romanticize this pain, right?
Is This Strength or Collapse?
But let me ask you something honestly. If a man is losing himself, he is losing his self-respect, he is losing his sense of direction and purpose in his life, is that strength? Or is that the collapse of that man? And often times, most of you guys end up in this kind of a scenario where you keep listening to sad songs, you keep romanticizing over the breakup because you feel there’s a lot of strength in this. But for me, from the place I look at it, all I can see is cowardice.
Obsession vs Devotion
There is a clear difference between obsession and devotion.
A man who believes in obsession, he says things like, I can’t live without her. I need her in my life no matter what. She is the source of my everything. If she goes away, my life crumbles.
But a man who is devoted to his woman, he is someone who says, I want to give her the best, but I am also not going to lose myself in this entire process. He is anchored. Even if she is there or even if she leaves, it’s not that he is getting fueled by her presence.
And this is the kind of man who basically attracts a woman who reciprocates the same amount of effort that he actually puts into her.
Why Some Men Can’t Move On?
Now let’s talk about why some men can’t move on even after seven to eight years.
From a psychological perspective, typically the man who can’t move on from a woman and is obsessed over a woman for many years has this one core issue, where he has never learned how to emotionally contain himself. He has never learned to contain his emotional intensity.
So when love hits him, he’s basically fusing and forming with the other person instead of choosing this other person, instead of accepting them into his life. Instead of creating space for her to enter his life, he basically revolves his entire life around this person.
The Root of Obsession
Typically, this man is not in love with this woman. He is in love with how she stabilizes him internally. So when you’re obsessed over someone else for a long time, it’s never about this person. It’s about how they made you feel and how you are not able to get over this feeling.
This is what is known as outsourcing your internal emotional state to someone who is externally present.
And from a spiritual lens, this obsession is basically a loop. It’s a soul struggling to anchor itself in real time, in the present moment, where the soul is constantly looking and struggling to get safety externally.
The Pattern You Are Stuck In
And a man who is stuck behind one woman, it’s not just that he is not progressing, but he is actually playing the same energetic loop again and again.
Until you, as a man, find your anchor within yourself, love will always be an obsession for you. You are always going to get attracted to women who are not available in front of you.
And obsession can only develop in scenarios when someone else is not available. If a woman is loving you in a very healthy manner, if she is safe for your nervous system, it is impossible for you to get obsessed with her.
Obsession Is Not Depth
This whole experience feels so deep, right, that this man has not been able to move on for many years. But the obsession is not depth. It’s intensity. And that intensity comes only when a person’s nervous system is extremely dysregulated.
And depth without containment becomes chaos.
A healthy masculine man, his nervous system can also deeply love. He can give fully. He can actually be present for his woman completely, but he does not lose his center when he is met with conflict.
The Real Question You Should Ask
So you need to stop asking yourself, why can’t I forget her? But instead, you need to start asking yourself, when did I lose myself in her?
Because you are not able to move on as you completely lost yourself in her. You completely lost your center in her. You made her the center of your entire universe, and you lost your identity.
Rebuilding Your Identity
So the identity shift actually starts with finding yourself first. Who you were, what are the parts of yourself that you have basically lost in the past many years that you wasted obsessing over this one person.
And the woman wasn’t the problem. Your lack of internal structure and your lack of self-worth was the problem. Your lack of self-love was the problem.
Final Perspective
So for you to stop this pattern altogether, where you get fixated on women, the first thing that you need to tend to is your inner world, to bring that stability within yourself, to heal your nervous system, and to even update your self-concept.
Now, if you want to get coached by me, you can fill out the form that I have mentioned in the description box below. Tell me exactly what you are struggling with, what you are seeking help with, and once I read the answers, if I feel that we are aligned and if we can work together, I would be reaching out to you to help you through this process and to make that identity shift within you.
So, I hope this article was helpful, however, if you want to ask anything regarding your life, regarding any healing, you may contact me through the contact us page or by comment section. So thanks for reading the article till the end and I’ll see you guys in the next article vey soon. Thank you!