Welcome back, my beautiful visitors. We are back with another article. If you’re new here, I am Akash, your favorite coach, and this is the platform where we talk about everything from healing to building your best life. Recently, I was speaking to a client who is stuck in a relationship that’s not good for her, and it was a relationship that is actually chipping on her self-worth and self-esteem.
When You Lose Yourself in Love?
Sometimes when we are stuck in a relationship and when we love someone, we have feelings for someone else, we often forget about our own selves. And we keep on sacrificing our needs, our boundaries, just for the sake of being with this other person.
And when you like someone, you would actually go till the end of the road to win that person’s approval, even before considering and asking yourself, is this connection even good for you? Is this relationship even good for you? And especially when it comes to romantic relationships, we are often so caught up when it comes to winning someone else’s approval that we truly forget about what we deserve.
And this is not something that just happened in my client’s life. This is something that happened personally even in my life as well, where you get stuck in dating phases, you get stuck in situationships, and you have this desire, you have this wish inside you that maybe this connection might work out. And when you’re living under this illusion that, “I hope this connection works out,” you would actually give it your best. You would try your best to make that connection actually turn into something sustainable, turn into something long-term.
Stop Convincing, Start Remembering Your Worth
But one thing that we do not realize is, if it’s actually meant to be, it would be. You won’t have to work so hard to secure that connection. You won’t have to work so hard to convince the person in front of you that you are worth something. And this is the cycle where we actually end up falling when we are trying to convince someone in front of us that we are actually worth keeping in their lives.
And in these kind of situations, what I truly want to tell you is: forget what you feel and remember what you deserve. You deserve someone who sees the light in you. You deserve someone who sees you as the bright shining star that you are. And you don’t deserve to be with someone who you have to convince, who you have to prove yourself to.
How Healthy Relationship Looks Like?
A healthy mutual relationship is something that comes two ways. The attraction is mutual. Both people really want to be with each other. It’s not that one person is trying so hard to convince the other person that they are worth something. And these are the situations where your self-esteem goes under the bus completely.
And trust me, when the replacement arrives for this person, once you leave the situation, you will even forget what this person meant to you.
Don’t let loyalty become your slavery.
If the person in front of you does not actually recognize your worth and does not understand what you bring to the table, let them eat alone at their own table. And the more you keep serving them and the more you keep feeding them, they’re just going to keep eating, and you are the one who is going to get tired at the end of the day.
Read the Reality, Not the Excuses
When you are stuck in situations where you are trying to convince someone in front of you that you are someone who can be in a relationship with them, if a guy is telling you he is not ready for a relationship, trust me, what he is saying is he is not ready for a relationship with you.
Men are naturally very territorial. When they want something, they go after it. Men are naturally hunters. When they want something, they chase it. And if he truly wanted you, he would be doing everything in his power to actually make you his. But the fact that he’s not doing this, and the fact that you are anxiously attached to him, you are stressed out about someone who does not want you, is a sign that you are not in a healthy connection. If someone is actually triggering your anxiety, that connection is not healthy for you.
Walk Away from Being a Second Choice
And if he is actually treating you like a second choice, honestly, please do yourself a favor and stop talking to that person because that person is never going to value you. And you might spend months and years trying to convince that person to love you, and this is absolutely not worth it.
If you get rejected by someone, be it a man or be it a job, I want you to stop feeling sorry for yourself, and I literally need you to be excited and thank them for deselecting themselves out of their life.
Rejection is Redirection
Trust me, when it’s one thing that you truly wanted leaves your life, something better comes. The replacement is always better.
Do you remember the time that you were heartbroken, crying over someone, and now you’re actually in such a happy place, literally thanking them for what happened, for what they did to you? Because you were able to grow from that situation, and you were able to go find something better for you. And even this time, it’s going to be the same. Life always gets better and better.
Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself
But I want you to have this thought process, and I want you to have faith in your own ability because you are deserving of good things that life has to offer.
But if you are in this trap where you’re constantly pitying yourself, you are constantly in that cycle of feeling sorry for yourself, nothing good is actually going to come out of it.
In this process, I want you to keep telling yourself: if it’s not this, it’s going to be something better.
My Personal Story
I still remember the last time I actually got my heart broken. It was kind of a situationship where I was stuck in, and I really liked this person, and I really wanted him to like me back as well. But this person had his own share of emotional trauma. He was a bit emotionally unavailable. He had his own share of things to deal with because of which he was not able to give me what I truly deserved.
And that liking slowly started developing into love, and this was the first time I feel like, you know, I had such intense kind of love for someone. But that was not given back to me. It was not reciprocated back to me as well. And I had to make a decision in this situation where I was literally in the peak of having feelings for someone else, that I had to leave that situation.
I told myself, “Akash,” if you stay in this situation even a little bit longer, it’s going to destroy your self-worth. It’s going to destroy the relationship you have to yourself. It’s going to destroy all that healing work that you have done.” And, you know, having that kind of conscious awareness that, hey, this situation and this person is not good for me, and making that conscious decision of walking away from that situation requires a lot of guts.
Growth After Letting Go
It requires a lot of strength to say, “Hey, I don’t deserve this. I deserve something better than this.” And that’s the situation where I actually chose to value my self-respect more than the feelings I had for this person.
Of course, I was heartbroken. Of course, I was grieving in that process. But when I came out of it, I was so grateful that I actually left that situation. I was so grateful I did not keep dragging it on for a very long period. And it just lasted over a period of 2 months or something.
Why Leaving Early Saves You?
Now imagine, had I stayed back in that situationship for, let’s say, 6 months, even by the end of the 6 months, this person, because of his problems, of his unresolved traumas, was still not able to like me back for who I was, I would literally lose my sense of worth by the end of that 6 months. And I like myself too much to be putting myself in that kind of a situation. Because of which I removed myself from that kind of a situation. Even though the heartbreak was very bad, I was able to recover from it in a period of 2 to 3 weeks. It did not last months or something.
And I think that was the first time I ever felt heartbroken in my entire life. But still, in that heartbreak as well, in that phase, I had so much growth. I worked on so many projects. I had a massive glow-up during that heartbreak phase. And this is exactly what happens when you let go of something that is not serving you.
Of course, you might be grieving. Of course, you might be feeling really bad about yourself. But the grass is always greener on the other side when it comes to these ugly situations. You will come out of it much more stronger, even though right now that feels like a very distant image for you.
Reprogram Your Mind
And of course, human rejection hurts a lot. It’s very difficult to deal with the fact that, you know, someone you like did not like you back. But let me tell you one thing, if it’s not them, it’s someone actually 10 times better, 10 times nicer than who they are. Because when you end up leaving a situation that is not good for you, you are indirectly sending a message to your subconscious mind that, “Hey, I deserve something better.”
So the next time you meet someone, or the next time you are in a group of people, you will only naturally get attracted to people who are good for your nervous system, who are good for your mental well-being as well. Because you had the guts to remove yourself when your feelings were running high. Because you cared more about your dignity. You cared more about yourself and your self-respect before the other person.
My Final Message
You need to be your biggest fan. And when you are your biggest fan, that’s when other people start reflecting that back to you. I hope this article was helpful for you and you enjoyed this article while reading. If you want to get coached when it comes to improving your self-worth and self-esteem, building confidence and developing self-love, you can contact me through the contact us page or directly by the email. So Thank you so much for reading till the end, and I’ll see guys in the next article very soon. Thank you!