You treat women with respect. You listen to them. You are loyal. You are kind. And still she chooses someone else. This is honestly the most soul-crushing experience that pretty much every man actually goes through in his life, with the thought process that, “Okay, I’m showing up as the best version of me in front of her, but why is she choosing someone else over me? Or why is she not even getting attracted to me?” And it actually hurts. When you do all the right things, but she still cannot see you. You are still invisible in front of her eyes.
So, in today’s article, I really want to explain why exactly this happens and what you can do to actually fix this problem. Being a Good Man Does Not Mean You Are an Attractive Man. So here is one thing that nobody actually tells you. Being a good man does not mean that you are an attractive man or that you have that magnetic quality about you. This is something a lot of men actually do not understand. Being kind and being nice is actually the baseline of human decency. That is something everyone has to do in their life. But that is not something that is going to make you attractive in front of another woman.
Being good and kind is actually the starting line, the initial line that you have to step through. But that is not the finish line. What makes a woman notice you is not just about safety. It is about the quality in you that actually makes her feel more of herself. That actually makes her feel that she can be herself in front of you. And if you cannot hold that safe masculine container for her, no matter how nice you are, no matter how kind you are, she is not going to be able to get attracted to you. Because she just sees you as someone who is kind, but she does not see you as someone who is an able and capable man.
The Problem With Being Too Nice
When you do that, you actually avoid tension. You avoid confrontation. You avoid boundaries because you don’t want to hurt her, because you actually care more about her than yourself.But the problem with this kind of an attitude is that she does not feel any emotional charge towards you. And in the process of you being very kind and trying to do the charity work, you are not truly being yourself. You are not undeniably and authentically being yourself, and that is the problem.
If you are not authentic and you care more about someone else than yourself, and when you sacrifice your own needs, it gets to the point where you are kind of shapeshifting. You camouflage yourself so that she does not think of you as a bad person. But in the process of doing that, you are losing your truest masculine essence within you. And when you try to be the most perfect man, the nicest man, you actually remove the emotional charge which is there in the whole game of attraction itself.
What You Actually Need to Understand?
This does not mean you have to be toxic. This does not mean you have to play games. The only meaning behind this is that you have to be authentically yourself without being scared of actually losing the person in front of you. Yes, when she shows up in front of you, you give her your best. But when she is not meeting you in your truth, you are not scared to let go of her.
Because when you have the mindset that, “No matter what, I don’t want to let go of this woman,” this is when you cross your own boundaries. This is when you ignore your own needs. Because for you, having someone else in your life becomes more important than you being happy.
The Mistake You Make When You Like Someone
Now think of the last time you actually liked a woman. You would have completely sacrificed your own needs to be with her. You would have had the mindset, “Let me show her how good of a man I am, how much I respect her, how far I am willing to go for her.”
So you listened. You supported. At your own cost. And the problem is that you made yourself too available, where you forgot your own life. You forgot your own needs. And what happens in this case is that anyone who feels that you are too available and that you don’t have your own life would naturally have the tendency to take advantage of that person. This is just human nature. And when I say this is human nature, I am not justifying it. But a lot of people are living their lives from a very unconscious place.
Your Hidden Motive Behind Being Nice
You might say that you are just being a kind person. But your secondary motive is for her to see your value. And often this motive is unconscious, and you don’t even realize it.
The main thing that you need to focus on is bringing balance between your goodness and your unapologetic self-expression. Self-expression means what you actually say to the other person and how you express yourself. This has to be unapologetic, and you have to stand in your truth.
You cannot compromise your needs. You have to take care of your needs. You have to be kind. You have to be respectful. But when someone crosses your boundaries, you don’t tolerate that. Because boundaries are there for self-protection. Boundaries are not there so that you break them again and again for someone else.
Know What You Want Before You Enter a Connection
Even before you get into a connection with a woman, you should be thinking about what you need from her, what you want from the relationship, and how you want her to show up for you.
But the thing is, when you start liking someone, that is the most dangerous moment. Because here you either lose yourself completely or you stay grounded and think whether this connection is actually good for you.
You cannot make your entire life about a woman, especially in the initial stages of dating, because you don’t even know her yet. Even when you are in a relationship, you need to have your own life where you focus on your purpose and your mission, and then you build a shared life together.
Speak Your Truth Without Fear
You have to be fearless when it comes to speaking your mind in relationships. Yes, sometimes it will hurt the person in front of you. But when you withhold something that is bothering you just because you think it might hurt her, you are hurting yourself. You are abandoning your own needs.
Good men who are unforgettable are not just nice and kind. They have a fire within them. They have strong value systems and strong belief systems that nobody can cross. Even if it means being alone, they would rather choose that than bending themselves just to keep someone in their life.
My Final Message
Good men do not need to hide their goodness. But they also need to stop dimming parts of themselves that make them real and authentic. You cannot ignore your own needs. You cannot sacrifice your own boundaries.
You need to love yourself even when you are in a connection. And when you combine your goodness with presence, passion, and strength, that is when you become the kind of man that a woman naturally feels attracted to.
So I hope, this article was helpful for you. If any part of the article is not clear to you, ask your questions in the comment section. I will try to answer them as soon as I get time. So that’s all for this article. Thank you so much for reading, I will see you guys in the next article soon. Thank you!