There’s a quiet pain that actually lives inside every nice guy who is smiling all the time, who is shapeshifting, who is accommodating his woman’s needs all the time, and who also is scared to speak up to her. And then there’s another man who is conscious, who is evolved, who is working on himself. Often times he’s alone, but not from a place of wounding inside him because he has been hurt before, but it’s a conscious choice that he makes because he wants real depth in a relationship.
And often times, a lot of women who haven’t done the inner work do not have that kind of depth to actually meet a man who is conscious enough, who is selective about who even comes into his life and who is not opening the door to every woman who walks into his life because he is incomplete by himself and he just wants someone to be in his life for him to feel good enough about himself.
So why is it that the nice guy often gets the woman in the very beginning, at least until he gets hurt, whereas a conscious man who is working on himself and healing himself often ends up alone till a little bit later on in his life until he attracts someone?
I have seen a lot of times that when you stay and work on yourself and when you heal yourself and when you actually go after your purpose, you do eventually end up attracting a woman who is good for you. But if you’re reading this article, the chances are you’re likely one or the other. Someone who is desperately wanting someone to love him or someone who’s actually working on himself without really looking for a relationship. Now let’s start the article without any further delays.
The Nice Guy Who Learned People Pleasing as Survival
First, let’s talk about the nice guy who has kind of accepted people pleasing from a place of survival. Often times, this is a guy who cannot voice out his needs. He is the one who becomes a punching bag for a woman because he does not have his own boundaries. He cannot be assertive when needed. He is often someone who is accommodating other people’s needs, and this is all a survival mechanism that he adopted back in his childhood.
So, coming to the childhood itself, if one of his parents was a bit volatile or if you had to be the silent one in the household because your parents were suffering a lot and they were having their own share of problems, you get a subconscious message in your mind that your feelings are not important and you should always take care of other people’s needs before your own needs.
And even if you did that as a child with your parents or your siblings, what eventually happens is this becomes your mechanism. You are the one who’s always taking care of everything in the household and you believe that you are the fixer. You believe it’s your responsibility to save people from their own misery. And you also become that man in a relationship who becomes overly accommodative of his woman’s needs. And this is the very one thing that leads a woman to actually disrespect you.
So, you learned early on that being liked by someone and being quiet enough actually means that you are safe. You actually associate getting love with overgiving, with always taking care of other people’s needs, and you feel that this is the only way where you will even be loved by a woman. But here is the catch, that niceness is often transactional. Quietly in your mind, unconsciously, you are truly wanting love from someone because you haven’t gotten that kind of safe love in your life. And you’re not being kind from a place of wholeness, but you’re actually being kind because you have that unconscious fear inside you of being abandoned.
Else, think of it this way. If a woman is not treating you well, why would you accommodate her if you truly respected yourself and if you truly loved yourself? Any man with self-respect would not let any woman disrespect him in the very first place and he wouldn’t even want to be in a relationship with such a woman in the very first place. So, the nice guy does not believe in conflicts. He does not believe in actually expressing his needs. He believes in suppressing his needs. He does not have any boundaries because he doesn’t know what boundaries are.
Eventually what happens is your woman starts disrespecting you and she ends up leaving you. And then you start blaming other women saying that, “Hey, I was so good to her, but she still left me.” Being good does not guarantee you a relationship. Being respectable is something that you should be aiming for. Because a woman truly cannot value and love a man she does not respect. That is just how a woman’s brain works because she does not want someone who is good and kind all the time. She wants someone who is real. And real means there will be times where you will be saying yes, but there will also be times where you will be saying no. No woman wants a man who is 100% agreeable with her because then you become her punching bag.
The Conscious Man Who Chooses Depth
Now, let’s talk about the second type of man, a conscious man who’s awake but often isolated. He doesn’t choose to isolate himself because he’s been hurt in the past or because he’s constantly thinking women are a headache and it’s very hard to figure them out. Instead, the whole thought process that he actually has is, “Let me build my life first. Let me take care of myself first. Whoever is meant to fit into my life would come eventually.”
He’s not actively looking for women to add value into his life because he makes his life full. He’s enjoying every single day working on himself. And if he chooses someone, he is choosing from a place of seeing depth within her and not because he’s lonely. A conscious man doesn’t chase attention. He doesn’t care about external validation even from women. So, just because you see some men having a lot of women circling around them doesn’t mean there’s anything authentic or genuine there because there are also men who attract all that attention but still feel empty within themselves because they’re living from a place of external validation.
So, a conscious man is someone who does not fake interest. He does not play along with any woman. He waits for someone who can meet him where he is standing, who is not ready to compromise on his boundaries and on his standards as well. He would rather be alone than compromise and settle down with any woman who’s not going to add value into his life because he values himself. He knows he deserves nothing but the best. And he’s not here to be adored by a woman. He is here to evolve with or without her because his purpose is important to him.
And he’s not going after his purpose from a place of avoidance because that’s the only thing that brings him happiness. But it’s from a place of true happiness of actually focusing on something and building it by himself. These are the men who eventually later on in life actually get the best women because they did not settle just because they were lonely and just because they wanted affection from someone.
Why Women Often Choose the Nice Guy First?
The third thing I want to talk about is why a woman actually picks a nice guy in the very beginning. Most women are also carrying a lot of deep traumas within themselves and they believe if they are in a relationship with a man who they can control and where they are dominating and where they have an upper hand over him, they will be safe. But that is her acting from her wounded masculine energy because she probably did not have a father figure who took care of her.
So, it feels easier for her to deal with a nice guy because then she has full authority in that place. She chooses a nice guy because it’s easy to deal with him, because he’s not going to challenge her, because he’s not going to call her out. Eventually, something starts aching within her. She starts feeling uncomfortable because this guy in front of her cannot even call her out when she is doing something wrong. Eventually she realizes that she does not want someone she can control or manipulate. She wants someone who is confident in himself, grounded within himself, and who is not afraid of her.
This is where she eventually leaves and this is where she eventually loses interest in you because you are not in your masculine energy to actually protect her. A woman is not someone who protects a man, but a man is someone who protects a woman. I’m not talking about just physical protection, but emotional protection as well. Emotional protection does not mean healing her or fixing her traumas. It means holding space for her when she is doing the inner work and being supportive. Not saying, “No matter whatever you do, I’ll always be here.” You have to be a man who challenges a woman if you want her to grow in her own life because else you become a passive man that she cannot respect.
Why Women Eventually Crave the Conscious Man?
The next thing I want to talk about is how later on she starts craving that conscious man. There will be one day that comes into a woman’s life where she is done with all men, just like there are a lot of you guys who are done with women as well. So either she goes after the nice guy or she goes after the emotionally avoidant bad guy and then she realizes she actually wants a man who is kind to her, nice to her, but who also makes her a little bit nervous because he is not afraid of her and because he is very confident in who he is.
It’s not that she will become your servant or anything, but it is good for her to have that sense of respect towards you. Once a woman actually meets a man who is conscious, grounded, and who doesn’t truly care if she is in his life or not, this is where she actually falls head over heels for someone. This is a relationship that develops healthy polarity within itself.
But here’s the twist. The conscious man does not wait. He is not a lighthouse for broken people. He is not a safe space where he is collecting women who have trauma. He’s very selective about who he lets into his life and who adds value into his life. Anyone who does not add value into his life does not get to stay in his life. That’s a simple rule he adopts because he truly does not care if he’s even going to be single for the rest of his life.
And that is when he also meets a woman who has the same mindset. A woman just like him who is also not chasing after relationships from a place of void within her. She is also not willing to settle for a mediocre man. She is also not willing to settle for a nice guy or a bad guy. She has the same mindset as a conscious man where she thinks she would rather be alone than let any man affect her peace of mind. And these are the best kind of people coming together to form a relationship.
Your Relationships Reflect Your Inner World
Trust me, you will attract someone like her if you have done enough inner work and you are in that state of life where you don’t truly care if you are in a relationship or not. Because right now, people are just lonely. They just want someone. Either some people are single because they can’t find someone or some people are in bad relationships. But there are very few people who are truly content in being single, who are not chasing after someone or compromising their needs just to accommodate someone in their life.
This is a place of wholeness where you’re so whole within yourself and a place of true detachment where anyone’s absence or presence cannot affect your life. And when you are a conscious man, when the right woman comes in front of you, she’s going to meet you where you stand. She’s not going to beg you, disrespect you, chase you, or take advantage of you. She’s going to respect you because you respect yourself.
Your outside world is just a reflection of your inner world. Every bad relationship that you have attracted into your life was just a mirror of what was inside you. If you did not have these wounds inside you, you wouldn’t have attracted a woman who possibly took advantage of you or did not value you. You attract such people because you don’t value yourself. Because had you truly valued yourself, you probably would have walked away when you saw the first red flag. But you stayed in it. You gave her hundreds of chances because you were acting from your wound itself. Your traumas were speaking louder than your conscious mind in this scenario.
Unless you heal all those inner wounds that you have, it’s going to be hard for you to meet that person. Some people’s life also turns out in such a way that they end up in a relationship, get married to someone, and then the lessons come inside the marriage. So why go through so much pain in marriage when you can finish all your lessons right now if you’re not married or if you’re single? Eventually, the person who is meant for you will come into your life. Trust me on this and I promise you this will happen.
So, I hope this article was helpful. If you have any questions regarding today’s article, feel free to drop your questions in the comment section. Thanks everyone for reading the article till end and I’ll see you soon in the next upcoming article. Thank you!